Feather, Rock, Truck

I want to tell you a story to help you understand where I have been and how I got there... if you take something from it - even better!

Almost 2 years ago I met an amazingly strong woman who shared this theory with me. For me, she told this story in the context of my relationship at the time (which was going through a rough patch)... but you can apply it generally to any aspect of your life.

Lets use it with weight-loss... (something I know a bit about recently!!)

You know you need to lose weight... but you keep going through your life doing the same that you do, eating fast food, not exercising and increasing your waist size every day....   One day, you try on those pair of size 20 jeans and they now don't do up..... getting depressed you think to yourself "something has got to change, I really have to lose weight......   but I'll start tomorrow". Tomorrow doesn't come. This stage is what I call the "feather" stage. This incident happens which hypothetically is like a feather floating past you and landing at your feet. It is that small reminder that something needs to be done... but as quickly as it is brought to your attention, you have already stepped over it and made your way to the cupboard for some comfort food.

So your going along in your life again, you've bought yourself the next size up in jeans, and all of a sudden something happens... it hurts....  like a rock being thrown at the back of your head...   maybe your walking down the street and a little kid asks his mum (quite loudly) why "that lady is so fat" or maybe your going to sit down and the chair collapses underneath you. This really hurts you.. and really jolts you back to that feeling of... "I really have to lose weight.... but I'll start tomorrow"....  this has hurt you, and you really really know that something has to be done... but that rock stays on the ground, and you step over it and ignore the message it was trying to send you. (Trust me - you will wish later that you didn't!)

This leads me to my favourite part... the truck. This is the part that your walking along in your life again, and from around the corner comes this HUGE, GIGANTIC semi-trailer with bright coloured lights and let me tell you.. it's on a rampage...  it comes directly for you and without even seeing it coming,  BAM! It ploughs you over (and just in case there is anything left - it reverses over you again and again). Everything comes toppling over in your life, you might lose your job, have a relationship break down, or your told by the doctor that you're off to an early grave if you don't lose some weight. Maybe you have already suffered a medical issue...Whatever it is... it's been coming... and now - it taken a destructive path and its run everything over on its way... You're defeated. It's taken away any choice now, you have lost everything... so now you cannot ignore it.  You think to yourself - why didn't I listen when that feather floated past me.... or why didn't i do something when that rock hit me....  but - like most people do, you've waited for the universe to help tear everything down to show you that tomorrow can't wait.... you are forced to do something NOW.

I'll tell you my truck experience (in a hope that you will get some understanding behind my story)...

When I came out of the Biggest Loser, I thought I had already been tested enough.... but my real lesson was about to start. I had physically made the change... but mentally I hadn't learnt my hardest lesson. My truck turned its ignition on and started revving it's engine.

24 hours after finale was taped my semi-trailer came around that corner and hit me at 150km/hour. My relationship with Leigh was over (which at the time felt like my whole life was over).  Just when I thought that I had been through enough change, the universe had my biggest lesson waiting. I had ignored that feather and rock all those times before,  so my truck was ready to charge... and boy did it clean me up. What was I going to do now?  Everything that I believed was my future, was now scattered around me... I was devastated. My dreams of marrying Leigh were over, and my future of being "Leigh's  Wife" is non existent. I felt so lost... that was all I could say...  I'm just lost. I was numb. The reality was that I was lost. I had become so defined by Leigh, by being "Leigh's future wife", that I had lost everything I knew about Lara....I'd lost Lara. Which brings me to the name of my blog.. "Losing Lara".  It should really be "finding Lara"... but a very special person also told me "To find yourself, you must first lose yourself".

A week after finale went to air, I sent the following email through to that wise lady who first taught me this theory:

"Just thought you should know, that big bastard of a semi-trailer has hit".